Why You Should Stop Networking and Start Making Friends - posit::conf(2023)
Presented by Libby Heeren When we think about making connections, we think about networking. I'd like you to forget about networking and start thinking about making friends. I'll share my perspective as a community builder and host of the Data Humans podcast on how I cultivated a community of practice for myself and how I became a force multiplier who increases engagement. You'll learn how I made genuine human connections, the practical steps to making data friends, the power of vulnerability, and why we all benefit when we show up as our whole selves. Presented at Posit Conference, between Sept 19-20 2023, Learn more at posit.co/conference. -------------------------- Talk Track: Lightning talks. Session Code: TALK-1167
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Transcript#
This transcript was generated automatically and may contain errors.
People haven't asked me how I know so many people, and so I tell them. And when they hear what I'm about to describe to you, this is what they say. And I used to feel that way too, so if this is you, I want you to know that it doesn't have to be that way. In fact, it can become the best part of your week if you give it a chance.
I'm Libby Heron, and I'm here to convince you to stop worrying about networking and just start making friends. Networking is awful, especially if you're an introvert like I am. We all know connection is super, super important, but maybe you just feel that connection is daunting. Just like I did.
Most people who know me in our community would tell you that I'm kind of a natural at connecting with people. I manage data communities, I host a podcast, but if you asked my husband, he would tell you I am, in fact, borderline antisocial.
But in 2021, I got an internship that was pretty much just to meet a ton of people. That was my job. So after four months of doing that job, I met over 100 new people one-on-one. And at that point, asking for a Zoom chat when I bumped into somebody interesting online was no longer awkward for me. It was just kind of what I did. Even though I was still very, very much an introvert. That experience showed me that, at least for me, meeting people just takes practice, right?
What we're up against
So what are we up against? First of all, you probably think you're not very good at it, which does not help. I believe in you. I want you to let that go. That's a self-limiting belief. So I'm going to look back at my journey and just share what helped me get comfortable in the data community, because I'd love everybody to have the loving and supportive data family that I have.
I'm going to share how I found people that I clicked with, how I got them to engage with me and other people, and how I connected in an authentic way that felt fun and not like complete torture. There's no one solution to any of these problems. We're all super different people, but I'm going to share what helped me.
Going where the people are
So number one, when I was looking for people to connect with, this is going to sound super obvious. I went where the people were. People who are attending community events, whether they're online, like the Posit Data Science Hangout, whoop, whoop, or in person, like your local R user group, those people are there to meet people. You don't have to get over the barrier of receptiveness, right?
Nobody goes to a community event hoping, oh, my gosh, I hope I don't meet any people at this community event. If I joined a community that didn't feel quite right to me, I just moved on and tried another. What do you do when you check out a book at the library and you don't like it? Do you give up on reading? No, you take the book back and you just get a different one.
If I did connect with people in that community, though, I made sure to connect on LinkedIn, get a Zoom chat going, and actually make a friend. That's the goal. Get to know somebody in person.
Increasing engagement
Number two, when I look back at how I increased engagement in communities to get people talking, I noticed that I was the one frequently engaging myself in either the chat or the live meeting. Because communities tend to be sort of pay to play. I had to put myself out there, I had to turn on my camera, I had to participate. You really have to do that if you want people to be willing to do the same.
People often say they don't know what to say. I don't interact because I don't know what to say. Remember that data people like puzzles. We like having our brains picked, we like challenges. And that's what I did. I frequently brought my questions and my challenges to the groups I was in instead of just my accolades and my presentations and my achievements. Because if you wait until you have something impressive to say, you might not ever say anything.
The power of vulnerability
Which leads me very nicely to my third point. When I was struggling to make authentic connections, it was because I was too worried about what people were going to think of me. I needed to practice vulnerability. I learned that feigning perfection because you want to be perceived well and being super professional are just kind of counterintuitive, counterproductive to making friends. You might think that perfect professional geniuses are impressive, but what they are not is relatable or approachable.
You might think that perfect professional geniuses are impressive, but what they are not is relatable or approachable.
So I started letting my real life self just kind of ooze out through the cracks of my professional self, my data professional self. Because I'm a whole human being and so are you. Shocker. Newsflash. So getting people more surface area to connect with, sharing more of myself with them, really increased my chances of seeing a spark with people. Something that we could connect on.
And this also means that I didn't just stick to talking about data, right? In fact, if it helps, this is a list of things that I talk with my data friends about regularly. And none of those are data. Data is the air we breathe. That's kind of boring at some point. We all do it. We don't need to talk about it all the time.
All right. This is a huge topic. Thanks for coming on this journey of take two with me. And this topic is really dear to my heart, so I'd love to chat about it more. Feel free to come find me here in person or on Discord. And you can find more about me on LinkedIn or my website, DataHumans.Club, where my tiny little podcast also lives.